


Jealousy (I Promise I'm Happy)

by NicoAndTheNineGalaxies



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: F/F, F/M, First Date, First Kiss, Implied/Referenced Suicide attempt, Jealousy (obviously), M/M, Pining, Slow Burn, Suicide Attempt, ty and jish are cute
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-18
Updated: 2019-03-17
Packaged: 2019-04-24 15:56:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 17,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14358762
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NicoAndTheNineGalaxies/pseuds/NicoAndTheNineGalaxies
Summary: “She said yes!”Josh tried to smile.  He was happy for Tyler, he really was, but he couldn’t help but feel a pang of jealousy when he saw him with Jenna.“Josh?”“That’s great, Ty,” Josh said, realizing he’d been silent for a little too long.  “Really, that’s fantastic.  I’m so happy for you.”Liar.





	1. Chapter 1

“She said yes!”

Josh tried to smile. He was happy for Tyler, he really was, but he couldn’t help but feel a pang of jealousy when he saw him with Jenna.

“Josh?”

“That’s great, Ty,” Josh said, realizing he’d been silent for a little too long. “Really, that’s fantastic. I’m so happy for you.”

“So we still have to do all the planning and everything, but I’m not so worried about that. I’m just really happy we’re getting married.”

“Mmm-hmm,” Josh murmured, not really listening. When Tyler was talking about Jenna - or anything he was excited about, really - Josh preferred to let him talk uninterrupted, instead just watching his face, all lit up with happiness. Josh liked when Tyler was excited about something. He just looked more alive.

Josh just wished it wasn’t Jenna he was so excited about.

 

The wedding was going well so far. Tyler and Jenna were off somewhere talking to their friends and family.

A girl slid into the empty seat next to Josh. “Hello, you look lonely and sad. I’m Frost.”

“Uh, hey,” Josh said, a little bit surprised by Frost’s bluntness.

“Are you lonely and sad?” She asked.

“Um…”

“It’s okay, no one likes talking about their feelings.” She made a disgusted face. “Ugh, feelings. I don’t know how anyone deals with them.”

Josh smiled a bit.

“You’re cute when you smile,” Frost said.

Josh’s blinked, confused. One second he was sitting alone and feeling sorry for himself, and the next this girl sat down next to him and just started talking, as though it was the easiest thing in the world. “Um...thanks. Oh, I’m Josh, by the way.”

Frost nodded. “Tyler mentioned you, I think. His best friend. You’re a lot more shy than he described you, though.”

“I’m...sorry, I guess?”

“Oh, no need to be sorry. I’m shy, too.” Frost smiled at him comfortingly. “You’re pretty cool.”

“Um...j-just so you know, I’m gay,” Josh said hesitantly. “Because it kind of seems like you’re flirting with me. I haven’t, like, told anyone yet, so please don’t say anything.”

“Oh!” Frost laughed. “No need to worry, I understand what it’s like being in the closet. Also, I’m sorry if it seemed like I was flirting with you, I do that sometimes without even noticing. Believe me,” she said with a chuckle, “that has certainly caused some confusion. But I’m actually here with my girlfriend - “ She craned her neck, grinning when she spotted someone and raising her voice to call across the room. “Adri! Come say hi!”

Another girl walked over, with long curly hair and green eyes. She kissed Frost on the cheek. “Hey. Who’s this?”

“This is Josh, Tyler’s friend that he told us about.”

“Nice to meet you,” the girl said with a smile. “I’m Adrianna.”

“No offense, or anything, but Tyler hasn’t mentioned you guys.”

“We’re just here because we made the cake,” Adrianna explained. “We run a bakery. Or Frost runs a bakery and I help out in my spare time when she’s got a big project.”

“Oh, okay,” Josh said. He glanced around and spotted Tyler, smiling for a second before noticing how he was holding Jenna’s hand.

Frost followed his gaze and gasped. “Oh, my God! You’re in love with Tyler!”

Josh’s eyes widened in alarm.

Adrianna placed a gentle hand on Frost’s shoulder. “Darling, maybe now isn’t the time to do that - “

“Do what?” Josh asked, confused. “Does she make a habit of going around and divulging everyone’s deepest secrets?”

“No, but she does this thing,” Adrianna paused. “How did you explain it again?”

“Deduction,” Frost said immediately. “Kind of like Sherlock Holmes, you know? Observing, laying out the facts, and then figuring out what could be the cause of those facts. For example, you looked up. You spotted Tyler. You smiled - but that could easily just mean he’s your friend, right? No, no - your pupils dilated, indicating that you’re attracted to him. Jenna was standing behind him, which explains why just a second later, you frowned at the reminder that Tyler isn’t yours - he’s Jenna’s instead.”

“That’s actually pretty impressive,” Josh admitted.

“So I was right?” Frost asked.

“Yeah,” Josh said with a sigh.

Frost smiled sympathetically. “Sorry. I mean, before Adri and I got together, she was dating some jerk - “

“Alex,” Adrianna cut in.

“ - yeah, him. It kind of sucked for me. And only later did I find out that she actually had a crush on me but she wasn’t out to her parents yet.”

“That’s great for you guys,” Josh said. “But unfortunately, I don’t think that’s what’s going on here.”

“Oh, yeah, Tyler’s definitely in love with Jenna,” Frost confirmed. “I’m sorry. Gladly, though, I have plenty of experience with getting over crushes, so if you’d like to hang out sometime when there aren’t so many…” She gestured vaguely to the crowd around them. “Uh, prying ears, I guess.”

“Yeah, that’d actually be great,” Josh agreed enthusiastically.

“We could meet at my apartment,” Frost offered.

“Okay.”

“Just one question,” Frost said. “What’s your favorite kind of baked good?”

Josh glanced at her, confused. “Um, I like cookies.”

“Chocolate chip?”

“Yeah…”

“I’ll have some ready when you come over,” Frost said with a wink, pulling a pen and a notebook out of her purse and writing something down. “Anyway, here’s my phone number. Call me anytime and we’ll work out a good time to meet, okay?”

“Okay...um, thanks,” Josh said.

“No problem,” Frost said.

Adrianna grabbed her hand. “It’s been great talking to you, Josh, and we wish you the best of luck with Tyler. Come on, Frost, we promised Tyler we’d say hello at some point.”

“Yep, of course,” Frost said, pulling Adrianna in for a quick kiss. “Bye, Josh.”

And Josh was left staring at the numbers on the paper, the chatter of the wedding guests fading into white noise in the background.

 

After a while, Tyler and Jenna approached him and Josh shoved the paper in his pocket. Perhaps he just felt kind of odd about Frost helping him get over Tyler, but he didn’t want Tyler to ask about it.

“Hey, Josh!” Tyler said. “How’re you doing so far?”

“I’m good,” Josh lied.

“You look a little bit...shocked.”

“Do I?”

“Did you meet Frost? She’s terrifying. I mean, she just looks at you and boom!”

“All of a sudden she knows all your secrets,” Josh finished. “Yeah, I met her. She’s pretty cool.”

“Her girlfriend’s nice too,” Tyler commented. “Kind of quiet. But I guess she keeps Frost in check, huh?”

Josh nodded as Tyler chattered on, suddenly very, very happy that Frost had offered to help him get over Tyler.

He was going to need all the help he could get.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Josh gets some advice from Frost.
> 
> He doesn't understand how it's supposed to help, but he follows it anyway.

It had been two days since the wedding, and Josh finally decided to call Frost.

She picked up after a while. “Yeah?”

“It’s Josh, from Tyler’s wedding.”

“Oh, Josh! It’s Josh,” she said. Adrianna must have asked her who was calling, Josh assumed. “What’s up?”

“I was just wondering when we’re going to meet up.”

“Well, I’m not doing anything on Friday. You could come over at around six thirty, so Adri and I have time to get some dinner after work.”

“That would be good,” Josh agreed. “So I’ll see you then?”

“Yeah, of course. I’ll text you our address. See you.”

 

When Frost opened the door, she had an apron tied around her waist and a tray of freshly baked cookies in her hand. “Hey, Josh. Come on in. I just have to get these on a cooling rack - Adri, can you show him to the living room?”

Adrianna nodded and beckoned to Josh to follow her. “She was up late last night writing some songs on that ukulele of hers,” she said with a fond smile.

“Oh, cool,” Josh said. “Tyler has a ukulele.”

“I know,” Adrianna replied. “Frost’s pretty obsessed with you guys, actually. Don’t tell her I told you, but she’s a huge fan.”

Josh grinned.

“So, you can sit down on the couch if you’d like, and Frost should be here in a few minutes.”

Josh sat down on the couch and Adrianna sat in a rocking chair in the corner.

“Sorry, sorry,” Frost said as she hurried into the room, untying her apron and hanging it on a hook on the door. “Okay, cookies are cooling, they’ll be ready soon. While we’re waiting, let’s lay out the basic facts of your feelings for Tyler. On a scale of one to ten, one being ‘just a crush’ and ten being ‘madly in love,’ what rank is it?”

“Frost, are you sure this is really neccessary?” Adrianna asked softly, smiling.

“Well, we need to know how bad it is before we can know how to fix it. Just like being a doctor - first you have to assess the situation.”

Adrianna nodded, seemingly satisfied with that answer.

“Um, I guess it’s, like, an eight?” Josh said hesitantly.

Frost winced. “Wow, that’s bad. The worst I’ve ever had to deal with myself when someone didn’t feel the same way was a six and a half. Anyway, how long have you liked Tyler?”

“Since...God, basically since I met him? No, I think it was when he asked me to play the drums at one of his shows. I mean, probably before then. I just...I quit my job to do something just because he asked me to.”

“So you fell fast and you fell hard,” Frost said, looking thoughtful. “Hm. That’s a bit...unfortunate, to say the least. Well, first things first, perhaps spend some time away from him. Like, I don’t know, forever? Feelings die when relationships are left unmaintained, at least in my experience.”

Josh’s jaw dropped. “Just stay away from him? From Tyler? He’s my best friend!”

“And you’re in love with him, but he’s married to someone else and you’re worried expressing your feelings will ruin the friendship so you want to get over him. Sorry, are we just stating facts now?”

“No, but - I can’t just cut him out of my life like that…”

“I’ve done that before,” Frost said. “There was this boy, in sixth and seventh grade - “

“A boy?”

“I’m pansexual. I could like anyone if they have the right personality. And, of course, Adri’s personality is perfect.” Frost glanced at Adrianna and smiled. “Anyway, this boy, he was so nice at first, you know? So sweet. We were friends. And then...I liked him. Just all of a sudden. He said he only liked me as a friend, and we left it at that. I spent a few months basically ignoring him, and I thought I was over him but then I ran into him again and it was like the feelings had never gone away. This time he said he liked me too, but it turned out he was lying. I literally cut every reminder of him from my life, ignored him, and not long after that I met Adri. So who knows? You might get lucky and meet your soulmate.”

But I feel like Tyler is my soulmate, Josh thought. “Okay, we’ll do it your way,” he said at last. “Can I at least...can I tell him why I have to go?”

Frost’s gaze softened. “Yeah. Sure. I mean, I guess you won’t be talking to him much after that anyway.”

“I guess not,” Josh murmured, reality sinking in.

If he wanted to stay friends with Tyler, he had to get over those feelings completely.

But that would never happen.

Suddenly a timer buzzed and Frost’s head shot up. “The cookies have cooled for their necessary time! They’re best served warm. Hold on a sec.” She ran off, and Adrianna chuckled.

“Her cookies are amazing,” she said. “You’ll love them.”

Frost came back with a plate of cookies in her hand. She set them on a side table next to the couch Josh was sitting on. “Help yourselves,” she said, taking one from the plate. Josh and Adrianna did the same.

Adrianna sighed happily. “I love you, darling.”

“You say that every time I bake you something,” Frost teased playfully.

“That’s because it’s always delicious!”

“If you had your way, I’d never not be baking,” Frost said with a smile. She pretended to shake her head disapprovingly. “Anyway, back to the problem at hand. Talk to Tyler, explain why you feel the need to distance yourself from him, and then just do that, because if you just try and let things play out then everything is going to get out of hand really fast and I’d estimate that there’s a ninety percent chance that your friendship would end up going down in flames anyway.”

“Wonderful,” Josh muttered.

“And, of course, you can always come talk to us.”

“Thanks,” Josh said, taking a second cookie from the plate. “These are amazing, by the way.”

“Thank you,” Frost said, curtsying slightly.

Josh laughed. “You guys are pretty awesome.”

Adrianna gasped. “Really? We’re pretty awesome? My life is officially complete, I can die happy.”

Frost chuckled. “You’re hilarious.”

 

It took Josh a little while - about two weeks - to work up the courage to talk to Tyler.

He called him eventually, though, one day at around two in the afternoon.

“Hey, Josh!” Tyler greeted him, sounding happy. “What’s up?”

“Um, I want to talk to you. In person.”

“Okay,” Tyler said slowly. “Dude, is everything alright?”

“I’ll explain later,” Josh promised. “Can we just - I could go to your house, or you could come to mine?”

“I’ll come over,” Tyler offered. “I’ll be there in, like, less than ten minutes, I swear.”

“You shouldn’t swear,” Josh said, almost automatically. He was glad to hear Tyler’s laugh.

“Yeah, I know, Jishua.”

Josh almost smiled at the nickname. Almost.

True to his word, Tyler had arrived within ten minutes. Josh invited him to come in and offered him some of the cookies Frost had given him as he had left her apartment two weeks ago.

“Where’d you get these?” Tyler asked. “You don’t bake much.”

Josh laughed, but it sounded hollow, fake. “Yeah, no, I was talking to, um, Frost and Adrianna.”

“Ah, that explains it,” Tyler said with a smile. “So, what did you want to talk about?”

“This actually connects to why I was talking to Frost,” Josh said. “Um, listen, I really like you. As, like, more than a friend. But I get that you don’t feel the same way, and you’re married to Jenna, so I actually talked to Frost about this - “

“She does know everyone’s secrets,” Tyler said, sounding a bit faint and shocked.

“Yeah. So she gave me some advice and said that probably the easiest thing to do if I don’t want our friendship to crash and burn would be to just tell you the truth and that...well, I honestly think it would be best for both of us if we just don’t really talk that much, because I know it’s just going to hurt me more and more the longer I have to deal with this, and - “ Josh took a deep breath to stop himself from continuing his rant.

“You think we should just...stop being friends?” Tyler asked, his voice broken and his eyes confused.

“I’m sorry,” Josh began, “but I just want to end on good terms, if we can.”

“I’m glad that you could at least be honest with me,” Tyler said quietly. “I guess...I guess I should go now, then.”

“Yeah,” Josh agreed. “Okay. I’m sorry, Ty. I’m going to miss you.”

Tyler didn’t meet his gaze staring at the ground as he opened the door to leave. “I’ll miss you, too, Jishua.”

And then he was gone, and even though Josh felt impossibly weak, impossibly tired, he somehow had enough strength to stand there by the door as his entire world fell down around him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Our poor little Joshie :(  
> Galaxy |-/


	3. Chapter 3

“How did it go?” Frost asked anxiously as soon as she picked up the phone.

“I mean, well enough,” Josh said. “As well as it can go, telling your probably straight, married best friend that you can’t talk to him anymore because you have feelings for him.”

“So, not that well,” Frost translated. “Got it. I’m sorry about that, Josh. Really, if you need to talk, Adri and I are always here. Unless we’re baking something, in which case we’ll still talk to you but we might not hear you over the mixer.”

Josh would’ve smiled at that, had he not felt so numb.

Out of everything he could’ve felt after Tyler left, he had hoped he wouldn’t feel like this. Because instead of feeling sad, he felt like it wasn’t real. Like nothing was real. Like he could do anything if he still had any actual motivation and it wouldn’t matter at all because life was pointless. He felt empty, lonely, as though Tyler had taken most of Josh’s soul with him when he’d left, leaving him with just enough to stay alive but not enough to feel alive.

“I miss him,” Josh said after a while.

“I know,” Frost murmured, her voice calm and soothing. “I know. You always miss someone important to you when they leave. It doesn’t even hurt sometimes, it just feels like you’re kind of falling. Like they stole your organs, not just your heart but your lungs and your intestines and maybe even your brain too. But you still have all your organs, you’re still intact, and - oh, no, Adri’s looking at me weird. Sorry about the weird metaphors, sweetie, I’m talking to Josh and he’s sad.”

“Do you always do that?” Josh asked suddenly.

“Do what?”

“Point out when people are sad. You did it when we first met at the wedding and you’re doing it again now.”

“Oh. Huh. I didn’t notice that. Anyway, first step is to not think about him. Don’t call him, don’t text him, go hang out with some friends or something. If they ask about it, you can tell them what happened, but just keep it short. Don’t think about him.”

“But that’s only going to make me think about him more because I’ll be focused on not thinking about him.”

“And that’s where step two comes in. By the way, this is just my method that’s worked for me multiple times in the past because I’m a piece of trash that falls in love with everyone that treats her well. So maybe it won’t work for you, but we can probably change it up a bit so it works for you. So go! Go out with your friends! Do not think about Tyler Robert Joseph!”

“Thanks for mentioning him,” Josh muttered. “Okay, I’ll go. I’ll call you when I get back?”

“Yes, please, and I’ll tell you what to do next. Or you could just come over here instead of going back to your house immediately.”

“Okay, sure,” Josh agreed.

“I’ll see you then,” Frost said. “Oops, customer. I’m at the bakery. Gotta g - oh, no. Um, bye!”

“Frost, wait - “

But she hung up before Josh could even finish his sentence.

 

Frost quickly hung up on Josh and set her phone on the counter, turning back and plastering her best welcoming smile on her face, her gaze fixed on Tyler. “Hey, can I help you?”

“Um, I was wondering if you have a second to talk? I don’t really know who else to...to talk to, I’d typically go to Josh but I can’t and it’d just be weird to talk about this with Jenna…”

“What is it?” Frost asked, though she already had a good idea of what he wanted to talk about. “Hold on a second, you look sad - “ she mentally cursed herself, she was doing that thing again where she pointed it out “ - but it’s hard to look sad when you’re eating a brownie. Here, it’s on me.”

“Oh, thanks,” Tyler said, one corner of his mouth quirking up in a conflicted half-smile. “Um, so Josh called me and asked if we could talk in person earlier, and of course I went right over to his house, and it turns out he told you that he has, um...feelings for me?”

“Yep. Or, rather, I saw it.”

“And so you told him to stop talking to me?”

Frost winced. “Yeah. Look, the thing is, he was pretty hurt, and he’s a nice guy and it kind of sucked seeing him like that, so I gave him some advice. You do realize that the tension would’ve eventually been too much and everything would’ve come out and this whole thing would’ve just collapsed anyway, right?”

“Even so, couldn’t we have at least had a chance?”

“On a scale of one to ten, he rated his feelings for you as an eight,” Frost said bluntly. “I don’t think he was going to get over it fast enough. He said he’s liked you since before you guys even played your first show together. I mean, he quit his job to play at a show just because you asked him to. It’s been years since then, Tyler. If he isn’t over those feelings yet, then it could take a while, and it’s probably better if you’re not there being so…” She gestured vaguely at him. “So perfect while he’s trying not to have feelings for you.”

After a moment Tyler nodded. “I guess I understand. Um, next time you see him, can you just tell him I’m sorry?”

“Sure, whatever.”

Tyler seemed to understand that the conversation was over. Despite the fact that Frost had said that the brownie was on her, he still left money on the counter.

 

Josh had almost succeeded in not thinking about Tyler.

Almost.

He went to Frost’s bakery and saw Adrianna at the counter. She smiled at him. “Hey there, Josh. Frost’s decorating some cupcakes for a kid’s birthday - they’re honestly so adorable, with these little fondant cats - but I don’t want to bore you with that. She should be finished soon, can I get you anything while you wait?”

“No, I’m okay, thanks,” Josh said politely. “How are you?”

“I’m good, and you?”

“Not really,” Josh admitted. “Frost said she’d help me out with, you know, getting over everything that’s going on.”

“Her methods get results,” Adrianna told him seriously. “While we were still just friends, she helped me get over this other girl. I didn’t know what she would think about me being a lesbian and I wasn’t out to her yet, so I excluded all pronouns, but it did work. I know she’s going to do everything she can to help you, because she’s amazing like that.”

“Adri, have we got any black licorice?” Frost called, poking her head through the door. “Oh, Josh! Just give me a moment, I’ve got to put the finishing touches on these cats. You know, whiskers and whatever. Can you just hold on?”

“Of course,” Josh said.

“Black licorice is on one of the bottom shelves in the pantry,” Adrianna said.

“Thanks, babe,” Frost replied before retreating back through the door into what Josh could only assume was the kitchen.

“Cats are her favorite things to make,” Adrianna told Josh, still staring fondly at the door. “She sings while she bakes stuff. It’s mosly Twenty One Pilots,” she added with a smile.

“Why is she using black licorice?”

“It’s edible - obviously - and you can cut it into thin little strips to make the whiskers,” Adrianna explained.

“Cool.”

They stood in silence for a little while before Frost came out of the kitchen again. “Okay, the cupcakes are finished. Josh, let’s talk about Tyler.”

“What happened to not thinking about him?”

“That was step one,” Frost explained. “Step two is to rant about every single thing he’s ever done that’s made you feel hurt, or inadequate, or anything not good.”

“Why?”

“Like you said this morning, holding your feelings in only makes you want to let them out more. So now you let them out until you have nothing left to say about him, and then you really don’t have to think about him. Then, depending on how well that works, that could be the entire thing or it could be phase one. So, start ranting.”

“But he never...he never did anything wrong, that’s the thing.”

“Let’s start there, then,” Frost said. “Just talk about him for as long as you want to.”

“Okay...um, yeah, he never really did anything wrong, you know? And that kind of sucks because he acted like we were a couple, he joked about us being a couple, because he never really knew that I actually had feelings for him. So if anything, I’m the one that messed up.”

“No, you aren’t,” Frost said firmly, leaving no room for argument. “Continue.”

“I just...I don’t know. It feels weird to be, like, actively trying to say mean things about my best friend.”

“Josh.”

“Okay, okay!” Josh said, holding his hands up in surrender as Frost fixed him with a sharp look. “Um, he got married, for one thing.”

“Hmm...it’s a start, I suppose,” Frost sighed. “Is that really the worst thing he’s ever done to you?”

“I mean, he’d always...upstage me, or whatever. I don’t really like doing all the talking in interviews or whatever, but I just feel like I’m replaceable. Tyler’s...you won’t find songs like that from another songwriter. But it’d probably be easy to find some other drummer and say, ‘hey, here’s what I’m imagining, can you play that?’”

“So Tyler’s importance in the band made you feel insignificant?” Frost clarified.

“I mean, I guess…” Josh shifted uncomfortably in his chair. He still didn’t like having to come up with reasons to dislike Tyler. It just wasn’t right.

Frost’s gaze softened. “It’s okay, Josh. I know you’re probably still upset, and we don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Josh assured her. “I’m just still used to thinking of him as my friend, you know?”

“I get it,” Frost said. “Just - whatever you’re feeling right now in regard to Tyler, you can talk about it.”

“I mean, mostly I’m feeling sad,” Josh admitted. “I know that you were right - it was going to be too much eventually. The feelings weren’t going to go away. I couldn’t have kept it up forever, or watched Tyler be happy with Jenna. And I don’t think I’d even even be able to find that with anyone else. I think…” He trailed off, biting his lip. He hadn’t even wanted to admit it to himself, but…

 

“Frost, I think I’m in love with him.”


	4. Chapter 4

Frost was worried.

She’d listened to Josh talk about Tyler for nearly two hours.  This certainly was a critical case if he had that much to say. 

Josh had promised he would call sometime the next day, but Frost was getting ready to close the bakery and he hadn’t even texted her or anything.  

When the last customer of the day left, she grabbed her phone and called him herself.

“Yeah?”

“Hey, Josh.  I’m just checking in - you promised you would call at some point.”

“Oh, sorry, I forgot.”

Frost narrowed her eyes.  He just forgot? If she remembered correctly, forgetting things didn’t make it sound as though you’d been crying.  “Josh, are you okay?”

He paused.  “I feel worse, if that’s possible.”

“Maybe tomorrow should be a full day where you just don’t talk about Tyler,” Frost suggested.  “I mean, clearly talking about him isn’t doing you any good.”

“I don’t think I’ll ever get over him,” Josh said.  There was a tremble in his voice, but he tried to disguise it with a resigned sigh.

“You will,” Frost said sharply, although she didn’t entirely believe it.  “It’ll just take some time. Once you can tell the story without feeling like you’re going to cry, that’s when you know you’re okay.”

“So I’ll probably never be okay,” Josh concluded.  “Great, thanks.”

“Oh, stop that,” Frost scolded.  “I’ve had many fails in getting over unrequited feelings in a short time period, and all of them had one thing in common - I thought the feelings were never going away.  That mindset is only holding you back.”

“That sounds fake.”

“It is, I got that from all of my teachers in middle school.”

Josh groaned.

“Just the last sentence, I swear!” Frost promised.  “The rest is entirely true. Oh, just a moment - Adri’s here.”

“Okay.”

Frost pulled the phone away from her ear and smiled at her girlfriend.  “Hey, love.”

“Hi, Frost.  Who are you talking to?”

“Josh.  He doesn’t think he’s ever going to get over Tyler,” Frost explained.  “Any ideas?”

“A few,” Adrianna said.  “Mind if I talk to him?”

“Not at all.”  Frost handed the phone to Adrianna.

“Josh, it’s Adrianna.”

Frost leaned on the counter, trying to listen for Josh’s voice coming from the phone.

“How are you?  Oh. Stupid question, I suppose.  Yes, Frost told me. Speaking of Frost…” Adrianna raised an eyebrow.  “Frost, would you like me to put Josh on speaker so you can eavesdrop?”

“Yes, please,” Frost said with a wide grin.

Adrianna rolled her eyes and set the phone on the counter.  “Josh, listen. Just because your feelings haven’t gone away yet doesn’t mean they never will.”

“But it’s been years!” Josh argued.

“Years of being best friends with Tyler,” Adrianna pointed out.  “Now, if you don’t have to talk to him, maybe it’ll be easier to ignore the feelings.”

“So your strategy is to ignore it until it goes away.”

“Yep,” Adrianna said.  “Try that for a week and if you make no progress, then we’ll go back to the drawing board.”

Josh sighed.  He sounded frustrated.  “Great.”

Frost glanced at Adrianna.  “Josh, I think she’s right. Look, just...come over here tomorrow.  Hang out with us for a little while. I can show you how I baked those cookies and then you could try making them yourself.”

“Okay, fine,” Josh agreed after a moment.

Frost smiled.  “See you tomorrow, then?”

“What time?”

“I was thinking...eleven.”

“Sure,” Josh said.  “See you then.”

 

Josh was still feeling miserable the next day, but he arrived at Frost’s bakery at eleven A.M. on the dot, as promised.

Frost was talking to a customer, but she smiled at Josh when he entered and held up a hand.   _ Wait a second, _ she mouthed, turning back to her conversation with the customer.  Josh wandered over to Adrianna, who stood at the other side of the counter.

“Hi,” Adrianna greeted him warmly.

“Hi,” Josh echoed.

“Have you ever baked cookies before?”

“Uh, no, not really.  I mean, maybe once, but not much,” Josh stumbled over his words and winced.  “Sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Adrianna said with a smile.  “Just calm down. We don’t bite, you know that by now.”

The customer Frost was talking to left not long after with a box of cupcakes, which Josh presumed were the cat ones that Frost had been making when he’d visited last time.

“Hey, Josh,” Frost called, waving him over.  

Josh quickly said goodbye to Adrianna before walking over. “Nice to see you," Frost said.  "Feeling any better?”

Josh just shrugged.  He wasn’t, really, but he felt like saying so would only cement the fact that he was completely miserable.

Frost smiled sympathetically.  “Come on, let’s go get started on those cookies.”

“Don’t you have customers coming in?” Josh asked as Frost led the way to the kitchen.

“Adri’s better with people than I am,” Frost admitted with an almost apologetic half-smile.  “I mostly just make people angry or confused.”

“Oh,” Josh said.  “Well, I’m not angry.  I’m kind of confused, but that has nothing to do with you.”

Frost nodded, and silence settled over them until Frost broke it with a clap of her hands.  “So. Cookies.” She started pulling packages out of the cupboards. “You think you could get the butter and an egg?”

“Yeah, sure,” Josh said, opening the refrigerator and passing the ingredients to Frost.

“I made sure we had enough and I measured out all the quantities before you got here,” Frost continued.  “Once we get these in the oven, I’ve got a cake to frost.”

“You’ve always got something you have to bake or frost or decorate.”

Frost shrugged.  “I’m busy. So come on!  Let’s go!”

 

They were about to put the cookies in the oven when Adrianna called for Frost.

She turned to Josh.  “Sorry. You could put these in the oven if you want - you’d want to let them bake for about nine minutes if you do - but I shouldn’t be long.”

Josh nodded, grabbing the tray of cookies (well, almost-cookies) and putting them in the oven, setting a timer for nine minutes.

He tried not to eavesdrop, but he did catch snippets of their conversation.  It sounded like they were greeting someone they knew.

“Hey, how are you?”

“I’m good.”

“What are you doing here?”

“I just thought I’d say hi.”

So much for Frost not taking long.  The timer went off, and Josh emerged from the kitchen to ask what he should do next - after taking the cookies out, of course.

“Frost, the timer - “

He stopped in his tracks, as abruptly as if he’d slammed into a wall.

_ “Tyler?” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry if something about this chapter seems off (other than the obvious fact that it took me almost a week to write). I've just been going through some stuff lately and I really don't feel like myself.  
> But I've been getting such nice feedback on a lot of my works and it isn't really much but it makes me feel a bit better, so I wanted to follow through and finish up this chapter.  
> Really, though, I'm so, so grateful for your feedback and I'd love some criticism and suggestions as well.  
> Thank you all.  
> Galaxy |-/


	5. Chapter 5

“Uh...what are you doing here?” Tyler asked, shuffling his feet uncomfortably.

“I’m baking cookies,” Josh replied slowly.  “What are  _ you _ doing here?”

“I was talking to Frost about some stuff that’s been going on.”

Josh knew what he meant.   _ Stuff I would’ve talked to you about, if we were still friends. _

But no.  They couldn’t be friends.  Not anymore. And it was all Josh’s fault.

It hit him quickly and left him feeling as though he’d been shot.

_ His fault. _

He was the one that had told Tyler they couldn’t be friends anymore.  He was the one that had pushed him away. And who knew what could have happened if Josh hadn’t done that?  Frost acted like she knew, but did she?  _ Really? _

So it was Josh’s fault.

It hit him so hard it left tears in his eyes and a tangible ache in his heart.

But Josh  _ did _ know what would have happened.  Tyler would’ve continued being Tyler and he would’ve continued being in love with Jenna, and Josh would just be...there.  And eventually, just as Frost had said, it would be too much. The truth had a strange way of coming out at the most inopportune moments, and when it did, everything would have been ruined.

Frost seemed to notice something was wrong.  “Put the cookies on a cooling rack, okay, Josh?”  There was worry in her eyes, the kind of look that said,  _ we’re talking about this later. _  “I’ll be there in a few minutes.”

Josh just nodded, his gaze still locked on Tyler’s.

Tyler was the first to look away.

 

The cookies were still on the tray when Frost got back, and Josh was leaning on the counter with his face buried in his hands.

“You okay?” she asked gently.

He shook his head, and when he spoke his voice was muffled and hoarse.  “I know when I fell in love with him.”

“Will reminiscing really help you right now, Josh?” Frost asked carefully.

Josh pulled his hands away from his face.  His gaze flicked to Frost just for a moment before turning towards the wall, as though he was talking to someone standing in front of him that Frost couldn't see.  His eyes were red and his cheeks were tear-stained.  “When he and I were still friends, back in school, there was this one day over the summer when I was just feeling...absolutely miserable.  I called him and he was at my house five minutes later with Taco Bell and one of my favorite movies, and we talked for a while. Once I was feeling better, we just ate and watched a bunch of movies and...and I’m pretty sure that’s when it all started.  Before that, I mean, maybe it was just a little crush. I could’ve ignored it. I don’t know. But that’s when everything changed.”

Frost sighed.  “I’m sorry.”

“I still want your help getting over him,” Josh said, “but I think it’s going to be a lot harder than you thought.”

“Go home, Josh,” Frost said quietly.

“I can’t just sit around being miserable,” Josh argued.

“You’d be doing the exact same thing here,” Frost countered.  “You need to rest. You look exhausted. Did you get  _ any _ sleep last night?”

Josh didn’t reply, and Frost knew that was enough of an answer.  “Go home,” she repeated. “You’re never going to feel better if you aren’t getting enough sleep.”

“Is Tyler gone?” Josh asked.

“I told him to come back later,” Frost said.  “He left.”

“Okay,” Josh said quietly, his voice numb and defeated.  

“You okay to drive home on your own?”

Josh shrugged, just a slight lift of his shoulders to indicate his uncertainty.

“Go outside and wait for me,” Frost ordered.  “I’ll drive.”

Josh nodded and left just as Adrianna walked in.

“Is he okay?” Adrianna asked softly.

“I don’t know,” Frost sighed.  “Will you be okay handling things here for a little while?  I’m going to drive him home and make sure he gets there safely.”

Adrianna nodded.  “He’s a good person.  He really shouldn’t have to go through this, but…”

“Sometimes life isn’t fair,” Frost finished dejectedly.  “I know. But even if life isn’t fair, we can still help people that are having a tough time.  Lord knows I could’ve used some help.”

“I’ll be fine here,” Adrianna said.  “You go talk to Josh.”

“I’ll make sure I’m back before you close up,” Frost promised, planting a kiss on Adrianna’s cheek and stepping out of the bakery.  She took a deep breath before getting in Josh’s car. He wasn’t paying any attention to her, instead just sitting in the passenger seat and staring out the window.  Frost didn’t think he would’ve noticed if it had been a murderer with a chainsaw that had shown up instead of her.

“Josh?”

“What?  Sorry,” Josh said, jumping a little when he heard his name.  “I spaced out.”

“I noticed,” Frost replied.  “Just - I’m going to ask you a question,” she began cautiously as she started driving, “and I want to hear the full truth, okay?  Don’t lie, don’t dance around the question...just tell me the truth.”

“Okay,” Josh said slowly.

“Do you promise?”

“I promise.”

Frost took a deep breath, preparing herself for his answer.  All she knew was that it was going to be bad. 

“Are you okay?  And I mean  _ actually _ okay, Josh.”

Josh was silent, and Frost glanced over at him to make sure he’d heard her.  He was picking at a loose thread on his jeans, and he didn’t meet her eyes. “No,” he said after a few long moments that felt like an eternity.

Frost sighed.  “Well, at least you’re admitting it.”

“What else could I  _ do?” _ Josh asked, frustration clear in his voice.  “I mean, I’m in love with him. I’ve been in love with him for years, but I never said anything and now he’s married.  He’s happy with Jenna, and if I ruined that because I was...jealous, or something, then I’d never forgive myself and he’d probably never forgive me either.  I just...I don’t want to hurt him, but everything I try to do to  _ avoid _ hurting him only hurts me instead.”

_ This is killing him, _ Frost realized.  Being away from Tyler was bad for Josh - possibly even worse than being with Tyler had been.  

Was it too late?  Could Josh go back, tell Tyler he was sorry?  Could he do  _ anything? _

Frost stopped the car outside of Josh’s house.  “Is there anything I can do?”

“You’ve done so much already,” Josh pointed out, raising his head to stare out the window.  “I mean, you’ve been listening to me talk about Tyler ever since the wedding.”

“If you’re sure,” Frost said.  “Call me if you need something, okay?”

“I’m not helpless,” Josh protested.

Frost rolled her eyes.  “I just want you to know that I’m here.”

Josh sighed quietly.  “Thank you,” he murmured, unlocking the door and getting out.

Frost watched him from the car until he disappeared into his house and stayed there for God knows how long before getting out of the car herself and starting to walk back to the bakery.


	6. Chapter 6

Tyler wasn’t sure if two hours after his last visit to Frost’s bakery really counts as ‘later,’ but he had to tell someone.  And, seeing as he couldn’t tell Josh - it was ridiculous, really, that he couldn’t talk to Josh about anything, not even  _ this _ \- Frost and Adrianna were the first people he would go to.  Apparently, according to Josh, they gave good advice that he should actually follow.

It was only then that he realized just how much of his thoughts Josh really occupied.

Maybe Jenna was right…

And then another realization: he was standing outside of the bakery and staring at the front door, probably looking more and more like an idiot with each passing second.  Eventually the door swung open, revealing Adrianna inside. “Are you okay, Tyler? You look a bit...unconscious.”

“Yeah,” Tyler agreed.  “Um, is Josh gone? I’m assuming that’s why Frost kicked me out earlier.”

“Your assumption would be correct,” Adrianna said.  “And yes, he’s gone. He left not long after you, actually, and Frost should be back soon.”

“Good, I still wanted to talk to her,” Tyler said with a nod.

“You could talk to me while we wait,” Adrianna suggested.  “Come in, seriously. What’s up?”

Tyler followed Adrianna inside, leaning on the counter.  “Basically, Jenna thinks I have feelings for Josh.”

Adrianna’s expression shifted quickly to one of surprise, her eyebrows raised and her lips pursed.  “Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“And do you?”

That set off alarms in Tyler’s head.  Did he have feelings for Josh? Or did he just not want his friend to feel bad?

“D-do I what?” He stuttered eventually.

“Do you like Josh?” Adrianna repeated slowly.

_ Come on, Tyler, _ he chided himself when no words came to him.   _ Do you feel the same way about Josh that you did about Jenna? _

“Earth to Tyler!” Adrianna practically shouted.  “You keep zoning out. Honestly, it’s almost as bad as Josh was earlier.”

Tyler cringed internally at the mention of his friend - well, his  _ former _ friend.  “Sorry. I just...I’m not sure?  Everything’s getting all mixed up, and I’m really confused.”

Adrianna sighed and shook her head.  “Honestly, you and Josh are some of the nicest people I’ve ever met, but Frost’s going to die of exhaustion running around trying to fix your messes.  Speaking of which…” She pulled her phone out of her pocket and sighed again. “Frost drove Josh’s car back to his house so Josh wouldn’t have to, and she’s walking back.  At least she’s almost here, and then you can talk to her.”

“What happened to her dying of exhaustion?” Tyler teased half-heartedly.

Adrianna laughed.  “I couldn’t stop her helping you if I tried."

 

Frost arrived not ten minutes later, and Adrianna didn’t even say hello before saying, “Jenna thinks Tyler has feelings for Josh.”

“How does she feel about that?” Frost asked immediately, unfazed.

“Uh, well, she-she said I need to figure out if she’s right and then tell her,” Tyler stammered.

“Simple enough, then,” Frost said.  “Figure out if you like Josh, and then tell Jenna.”

“Yeah, but…” Tyler hesitated.  “It’s not that simple.”

“Let me guess which part you’re stuck on,” Frost said.  “Is it figuring out if you like Josh?”

Tyler nodded.

“Why is that difficult?”

_ “Why?” _ Tyler asked incredulously.  “Because...because it’s so sudden!  I have no clue how I feel about him anymore.  I just know that I miss him so much and it sucks that I don’t get to talk to him or share my music with him or...or anything.  He’s just...he’s gone.”

Frost laughed.

She  _ laughed. _

“What is it?” Tyler demanded.

“You...oh, my God, you’re always so clueless.”

Adrianna glanced at her, one eyebrow raised.

“Sorry, sorry,” Frost said, sobering immediately.  “It’s just...dude, you sound like you’re in love with him.  Do you have any idea how much that sounded like a love confession?  Wow.”

Tyler couldn’t seem to find anything to say.  Love? Maybe he had... _ feelings... _ for Josh, but love?  Could it really have gone that far in such a short amount of time?

Before Josh had mentioned his own feelings, Tyler had never questioned that they were just friends.  Perhaps unusually close friends, but friends nonetheless.

Then everything changed.

When he found out how Josh felt, Tyler started thinking.  He always thought - too much, too long, too hard, until he was wrapped up in his own head.  Hardly anyone could really bring him back.

Except Josh.

That was always it, wasn’t it?  He didn’t feel like he was important enough to anyone - except Josh.  He couldn’t wake anyone at two in the morning if he couldn’t sleep - except Josh.

He didn’t have feelings for anyone other than Jenna.

_ Except Josh. _

“Tyler?  Did I say something?”

Tyler nodded.  “Yeah. You said...you said the truth.”

Adrianna and Frost shared a look.  

“You love Josh?” Adrianna asked.

“I think I do,” Tyler said slowly.  “I think...I love Josh.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you guys don't want to read about my problems, then ignore this, but I've got some stuff I need to get off my chest, even if no one sees it.  
> It's honestly been getting more and more difficult to write things that are lighter and happier because I'm just not happy. I've been having some issues with my body image and general self-esteem, I haven't been able to sleep properly in months, and even though I'm doing fine physically, mentally, I feel like I'm already half-dead. I haven't been able to talk with my friends or family about this because I've always been terrible at talking about my feelings and I'm worried how my friends will react when they find out just how bad it's been these past few months.  
> I know where I want this story to go but I'm not sure how well I'll be able to write it when I'm feeling like this, so I hope you understand.  
> Thank you all so much for your patience. Stay alive, friends.  
> Galaxy |-/


	7. Chapter 7

“OhmyGod,” Frost gasped, a grin spreading across her face.  “This is so perfect. Hold on, I’m going to call him - “

“Shouldn’t I tell Jenna first?” Tyler interrupted.

Frost frowned.  “Oh. Yeah, I guess.  Face-to-face news, right?”

Tyler nodded.  “But I’ll come back tomorrow, if that’s okay.”

“Yeah!” Frost agreed enthusiastically.

“Fantastic,” Tyler said.  Oddly, he didn’t feel upset, or worried, or any negative feelings at all, really, about talking to Jenna.  She’d understand. And tomorrow he might be able to talk to Josh again.

Definitely no negative feelings.  He just felt happy.

 

Tyler had to postpone meeting Frost for almost two weeks, not wanting to rush into telling Jenna and saying he was just making sure the feelings were legitimate.

So when he finally visited, Frost was already a bit impatient.

“How’d it go?” She asked immediately.

“Pretty well, actually,” Tyler said.  “I mean, she sort of understood? It’s a little weird so close after the wedding to say, ‘oh, sorry, I think I’ve secretly been in love with my best friend for most of our relationship.’  Like, is that an ‘I’ve made such a huge mistake and I’m so sorry,’ or is it more of an ‘Oops!’ kind of thing?”

“Don’t stress,” Frost advised.  

“Anyway, we decided maybe it’d be better if we spent some time apart,” Tyler continued.  “So…”

“I’m going to call Josh.”

“Yes!”  Tyler sounded excited and happy, almost like a child on Christmas morning.

“Great,” Frost said, calling Josh and waiting as the phone rang.

It took him an agonizingly long amount of time to pick up.  “Hey, Frost.”

“Josh, I’ve got some...some news.”

“What is it?”

“Well, Tyler came over yesterday - “

“I don’t want to hear about him.”

Frost glanced at Tyler, surprised and a bit concerned about Josh’s sudden and bitter-sounding reaction.  “Are you sure? Because this is actually really important, and I think you might want to hear it.”

“But I don’t, okay?  He’s just - he’s got Jenna, he and I aren’t friends anymore, and I’ve got to get used to that.  So I don’t want to talk about him.”

“Speaking of Jenna, she helped Tyler realize that he has feelings for you.”

Josh didn’t say anything for a while.

For that one long, silent moment, Frost thought Josh might be happy.

She was wrong.

“Well, too bad,” Josh said harshly.  “I gave him a chance, didn’t I?”

“Josh - “

“No,” Josh interrupted.  “That’s the end of it, Frost.  How did he suddenly realize this yesterday?  Why didn’t he think of it sooner? Is he really  _ that _ oblivious to his own emotions?  You’d never guess it from his music.”

“It isn’t just his music,” Frost pointed out.  “It’s yours, too. You guys share it.”

“Not anymore,” Josh muttered.

The call ended.

Frost slowly pulled her phone away from her ear, staring at Tyler.  “This is really, really bad.”

“What?”  All the hope faded from Tyler’s gaze.  “What happened? How did the music come up?”

“Tyler, I don’t want to say that Josh hates you...but I think Josh hates you.”

There was hurt in Tyler’s eyes.  He drew back from the counter, his shoulders hunching slightly, and shoved his hands in his pockets.  “Tell me everything, then.”

So Frost recounted her conversation with Josh on the phone and tried not to burst into tears herself when she saw the tears in Tyler’s eyes when she told him about what Josh said last.

“So he kicked himself out of the band this time,” Tyler murmured, wiping his eyes with the sleeve of his hoodie.

“I’m so sorry,” Frost said quietly.

“No, I understand,” Tyler said.  “I’d be upset, too. I mean, I  _ am _ upset.  But I get it.”

Frost threw her hands up in the air, frustrated.  “Okay, I don’t understand how you’re so calm right now.  Josh is  _ clearly  _ upset because he seems to despise the person he’s been in love with for years, and you’re just not doing anything.  This is...this is infuriating, honestly.” She sighed. “I guess this is what I get for playing matchmaker - an unhealthy obsession with someone else’s love life and not enough focus on my own.”

“What do you mean?” Tyler asked, tilting his head to one side.

Frost hesitated.  She hadn’t wanted to say anything - not while Tyler had his own things to deal with - but she couldn’t just pretend nothing was wrong.  “Adrianna broke up with me,” she said eventually, her voice breaking. “She said it just...wasn’t working.”

“Oh,” Tyler said softly.  “I’m sorry.”

“I was going to propose,” Frost confessed, wiping away a tear that had fallen down her cheek.  “It...it sucks, but there’s not really anything I can do. But I pretend to be this expert on relationships and stuff, and then this happens.”

“Life has a habit of not going the way we want it to,” Tyler pointed out.  “I’m sorry, Frost.”

“I’ll be okay.  I just love her.”

“And I guess Josh just loved me,” Tyler said.  “Past tense.”

Frost nodded, trying to hold back tears.  “I’m going to get to Josh,” she promised. “I will.  He can’t just ignore both of us forever.”

“But we also can’t force him to talk to us.”

“I know,” Frost sighed.  “But a broken heart sucks to deal with, especially on your own.  You guys both deserve so much more. You guys both deserve to be happy.”

“So do you,” Tyler countered.

“I gave up on that until Adri came along.”

They stood there in silence for a while, each lost in their own thoughts, each trying to work out how to solve the other’s problems, and each thinking the same thing, over and over again.

_ Now what? _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for everything.  
> Galaxy |-/


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slight TW for a mention of suicide at the end.

Tyler had given up.

Jenna had left.  Josh refused to talk to anyone, from what Frost had told him.  Adrianna, who had always been kind and quiet and made sure Frost stayed (mostly) calm, had moved away. 

Now, he was left with two options.  He could go out and make new friends, or he could stay with Frost, who was generally miserable and whose humor style had gone from sarcastic to self-deprecating and forced.

Neither option seemed particularly inviting.

But since he figured he couldn’t just stay at home feeling sorry for himself, so he managed to convince himself to go to the bakery.

Frost barely looked up when he came in.  “Hey, Tyler.”

“Hi,” Tyler said.  “Have you heard from Josh?”

“Not since yesterday, the  _ last _ time you asked,” Frost muttered.  “Chill out. He’ll come around eventually, and even if he doesn’t, you’ll be okay.”

“Will  _ he _ be okay?” Tyler asked.

Frost shrugged.  “Who knows? I haven’t talked to him since - well, you remember.”

Tyler grimaced.  “Yeah.”

“I mean, I’ve tried to talk to him, but he just...he never answers.”

Tyler sighed.  “What about you?  Are you okay?”

“I have a lot more time to feel sorry for myself now,” Frost said, her voice falsely cheery.

“Please don’t do that,” Tyler said quietly.

Frost’s fake smile faltered.  “What?”

“That - making jokes about it.  It’s...you can’t ignore it forever.”

“I also can’t be sad about it forever,” Frost countered.  “So those are my options. Do you want me to joke about it or do you want me to be sad?”

“I think you should try a mix of the two,” Tyler suggested.

“I can’t do that!” Frost shouted.  “I’m all extremes, Tyler. Extremes and contradictions, that’s it.  Either I’m happy or I’m sad, I get angry in an instant or I’m patient and reasonable for weeks before my frustration shows.  That’s it. At least on the outside. I could be dying inside but I’ll make jokes about it and everyone thinks I’m just fine.  And it’s not like you’re okay, either. I can tell you’re feeling just as terrible as I am.”

Tyler frowned.  “I guess we’re both extremes, huh?”

“I don’t think I’ve seen you smile since that phone call.”

She was right.  In just the past few months, Josh had confessed feelings for Tyler, told him they had to stop being friends, and then turned into something else completely, something angry and bitter and closed-off.  For Tyler, it was worse than an emotional roller coaster - it was an emotional plane crash. It wasn’t just confusing, fast-paced, and intense - it was also terrifying and potentially deadly.

Secretly, Tyler wasn’t sure he would ever feel like smiling again.

Or perhaps he just wouldn’t live long enough.

 

Josh’s phone buzzed with another text, probably from Frost.  She was the only one that really tried to talk to him anymore.  

But Josh just ignored it.

He hadn’t even bothered to look at any of them after he’d seen the first few.  He knew they’d all say the same things...

_ Are you okay? _

_ What was all that about? _

_ Is something wrong? _

_ Something must be wrong.  This is isn’t like you. _

_ Seriously, we have to talk. _

...and just about every other variation of those exact same messages and questions that Frost was capable of thinking up.

She had called him a few times, the day after they last talked.  She’d given up when he hadn’t replied.

Truthfully, Josh had wanted to ask about Tyler.  He’d wanted to know why Frost was trying to talk about him - she wouldn’t do that unless she had a good reason, she knew it would only hurt him.  But he was just so...so painfully  _ frustrated. _  He was angry, he was hurt, he was exhausted, and didn’t want to think about Tyler, but it was almost impossible not to.

He knew he was being irrational and acting like a child, but he was too upset to care.  Why was he still upset? Everything had been fine less than two months ago, but then…

Then he’d realized that he was in love.

That’s when everything had gone wrong.

Was he still in love?  Was that still the reason behind his tangled mess of emotions?

He counted a second, third, and fourth text from Frost.

Then a call.

Josh was so surprised - it had been almost a month since she’d stopped calling him - that he answered.

“Josh!” Frost practically yelled as soon as he picked up.  “Why haven’t you been answering?”

“Why do you keep trying to talk to me?”

“Josh, I - oh, my God.  I can’t - I can’t even say it,” Frost stammered.  “Just check y-your texts, please. Give me a moment.”

“Are you crying?” Josh asked hesitantly.

He heard a soft sniffle, as though Frost was trying to stop herself from crying.  “Maybe a little bit.”

“Is everything okay?  Is it something about Adrianna?”

His only answer was a choked sob.

Josh opened his messages, seeing that only three of them were from Frost.

The first was from Tyler, riddled with spelling errors that implied his hands had been shaking when he typed it.  The words were barely legible.

_ I’m ssorye jish i’m  os so soryre _

That alone was enough to make Josh nervous.  He opened the messages from Frost next, worried.  What had happened?

_ JOSH _

_ ANSWER PLEASE _

_ IT’S TYLER HE’S IN THE HOSPITAL I KNOW YOU DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT HIM BUT YOU HAVE TO ANSWER I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO _

“Frost,” Josh started quietly, “why is Tyler in the hospital?”

“He - Josh, he tried to-to kill himself.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for being an insecure mess.  
> Galaxy |-/


	9. Chapter 9

The first thing Josh felt was numb.

It wasn’t the numbness he’d experienced after cutting ties with Tyler - that was all emptiness, feeling dull and disconnected.  No, this was more like shock, a monotone voice in his head repeating  _ this can’t be happening _ over and over again.

Then the panic set in.

Josh wanted to scream.  The only thing that was stopping him was the fact that he couldn’t seem to remember how to fill his lungs with air.

“Are you at the hospital now?” Josh managed to ask, his voice shaky.

“Are you going to be here?”

“Yes.”

“Good,” Frost said, her voice a bit stronger.  “Good. Please, just - just hurry.”

Josh didn’t bother saying goodbye.  He ended the call, pulled on the first clean outift he could find, and left.

He arrived at the hospital not ten minutes later.  Frost was pacing anxiously in the waiting room, but she looked up when he walked in and rushed to hug him.  Josh was a bit taken aback - other than when she was with Adrianna, Frost wasn’t particularly keen on touching other people in any way.

“How is he?” Josh asked, the words sounding dry and almost emotionless, even to him.

“We don’t know,” Frost answered, her voice hoarse from crying.  “We don’t know. He’s breathing, but…” She shook her head, her gaze dropping to the floor.  “He’s unconscious. It’s bad, Josh. He hasn’t been doing well at all, and I didn’t know.”

“Have you been talking to him?”

Frost snorted.  “More than I’ve been talking to you, for sure.”  She must’ve caught the hurt expression on Josh’s face, because she quickly backtracked.  “Sorry, sorry. I’m just...I don’t  _ understand, _ Josh.  Why did you…?  What happened to you for everything to change so quickly?”

Josh shrugged.  “I don’t know, Frost.  I just snapped.”

“You snapped,” Frost repeated disbelievingly.  “Without anything even happening.”

“Correct,” Josh said, realizing he sounded ridiculous.  He sighed. “All we can do is wait, I guess.”

“You don’t even know what’s been going on,” Frost muttered.  “Adri and I broke up, too. Tyler isn’t the only one that’s been having a tough time recently, even if it is worse for him.  You just - I know I’m probably overreacting. We’re all going through a lot. But I feel like you should’ve been there.”

“You broke up with Adrianna?”

“She broke up with me,” Frost corrected bitterly.

Josh pulled out his phone and scrolled through two months’ worth of incessant texts from Frost - and a few from Tyler as well.

 

_ Ty: i don’t understand what happened _

_ Are you okay? _

 

_ Frost: Hey, Josh. _

_ Call me please. _

_ We need to talk, really. _

_ We don’t have to talk about Tyler. _

 

_ Ty: i miss you _

 

_ Frost: How’ve you been? _

_ We haven’t talked in a while. _

_ Are you doing okay? _

_ I haven’t heard from you in a month. _

 

_ Ty: i know you don’t want to talk to me but i’m getting worried _

 

_ Frost: Please pick up the phone, Josh. _

_ I need to talk to you. _

_ It’s about Adrianna. _

_ Tyler’s going through a lot, I don’t want to burden him with my issues. _

_ I know you’re going through stuff too, I’m sorry. _

_ I’m not going to stop texting you.  I can tell something’s wrong. _

 

_ Ty: i’m sorry.  I won’t keep bothering you _

_ I really do miss you though _

 

And then he had scrolled down to the bottom, where he saw Tyler’s most recent text.  It made him feel sick.

“What happened?” He asked quietly.  “I want you to tell me everything.”

“Everything?” Frost asked.

Josh nodded, and Frost took a deep breath.

“He...he texted me.  He just said he was sorry, and when I asked why, he didn’t say anything.  So I went over to his house, and…” She bit her lip, tears beginning to spill from her eyes once again.  “It was really, really bad. He had all these...these pills - empty pill bottles, and his wrists…” She trailed off, staring down the hallway where Josh could only assume Tyler was.  “It was bad,” she repeated. “I don’t even have the words. I called an ambulance, and...now he’s here.”

Josh didn’t want to imagine the sight, but every time he closed his eyes, he almost thought he could see Tyler, unconscious, bleeding,  _ dying. _

He sat down in one of the empty chairs nearby and buried his face in his hands.  “It’s my fault,” he muttered. “I wasn’t there when he probably needed someone to talk to.”

“I was there,” Frost pointed out, sitting down next to him.  “But it wasn’t me he needed.”

“It’s definitely my fault,” Josh repeated quietly.

“No, it’s not,” Frost said.  “You were upset. I get it. Tyler understood too.  We don’t even know why he did it. You shouldn’t jump to conclusions.”

“Do they know when he’ll wake up - or even if he’ll wake up?” Josh asked.  Every word he said was hushed. He felt as though if he talked too loudly, the haze that had settled over everything would disappear, and he’d realize this was  _ real, _ that it wasn’t just some horrible nightmare.

This was  _ really happening. _

Tyler could be dying.

“We don’t know,” Frost whispered.  “I’m sorry, Josh. We just don’t know.”

Josh hadn’t cried over Tyler since the last time they’d come face-to-face, at Frost’s bakery.

But this uncertainty, not knowing if Tyler would live...it was too much, too real, too fast, and Josh regretted that he’d been so bitter.

So he let the tears fall, and before long he was sobbing.  So much pent-up emotion over the past two months - whether that was sadness, anger, or loneliness - finally came rushing out, and Josh cried.  

Tyler could be dying and he would’ve died thinking Josh hated him.

In reality, nothing could have been further from the truth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this is probably the fastest I've ever written a chapter. It's easier to write sad stuff for me.  
> Anyway, sorry I'm an insecure mess most of the time and sorry for making this chapter so sad.  
> Galaxy |-/


	10. Chapter 10

Frost couldn’t sleep.

Josh had convinced her to go home.  He knew she was tired, stressed, and generally not doing well, but every time she closed her eyes, she remembered everything so vividly that it made her feel sick.  She couldn’t sleep, and she wasn’t sure she wanted to.

She was a hypocrite, she thought, telling Josh that it wasn’t his fault and then blaming herself.  But maybe, maybe if she’d arrived sooner, she could’ve stopped him. Maybe if she’d seen that Tyler was struggling, she could’ve helped him.  There were so many things she could’ve - and  _ should’ve _ \- done.  She prided herself on being observant, seeing things others wouldn’t look for, but she couldn’t see that Tyler was suicidal when it was right in front of her the whole time.

Her phone buzzed on her nightstand.  Josh had texted her.

 

_ Josh: i don’t want to wake you but i can’t sleep _

 

_ Frost: I can’t sleep either. _

 

Josh called her, and Frost picked up immediately.  “Hey.”

“You can’t sleep?”

Frost could feel her eyes stinging with tears.  “Josh, I know you care about Tyler, but I found him after he…”  She stopped, shaking her head. “It’s...he was bleeding, he was unconscious, I wasn’t even sure if he was still  _ alive. _  I was so wrapped up in my own problems that I didn’t see how upset he was.”

“Are you okay?” Josh asked quietly.

“No.”

“Was he okay?  Before, I mean.  Did he seem okay?”

“Other than the fact that he told me many times that he felt terrible and missed you, he seemed just fine,” Frost said sarcastically.

“I feel terrible, too,” Josh confessed.  “And I miss him.”

“I should hope you do.”

Josh didn’t reply, and Frost was about to ask if he was okay when he spoke again, softer this time.

“I don’t want him to die,” Josh said.  “I love him.”

“I know,” Frost murmured.  “It’ll be okay. He’s going to get through this.”

“But what if he doesn’t?”

Frost sighed heavily.  “Don’t think about that.  It’s not going to do either of us any favors.”

Josh agreed quietly.

“Get some sleep, Josh.”

The call ended.  Josh didn’t even say goodbye.

 

Tyler woke with a gasp.  His first conscious thought was,  _ it didn’t work. _

He’d been having a dream about something.  Josh was in it. He couldn’t remember what had happened, but he’d felt sad.

He was in a hospital room, and his arms were bandaged.  He couldn’t remember much after he’d sent those texts to Frost and Josh.  He hoped they hadn’t been too upset - well, he knew Josh wouldn’t, but he had wanted to say some sort of goodbye to him anyway.

Who had found him, though?  Jenna had moved out. Josh hadn’t spoken a word to him, over text or otherwise, in months.  But Frost was nosy and she always read his texts within minutes of Tyler sending them, so it was probably her.  

Tyler wasn’t sure how he felt about that.

He didn’t even know what time it was.  The light coming in from the window was almost orange, so he could guess it was around dawn or dusk.  If Frost had found him, she would want to know when he woke up, so she would probably come to check on him at some point.

Honestly, though, he was done caring.

 

Frost and Josh met in the hospital waiting room once again.

“How’d you sleep?” Frost asked, already sitting in one of the chairs when Josh arrived.

“Not too well,” Josh admitted.  “You?”

“About the same.”

“Any news?”

Frost smiled slightly.  “He woke up.”

Josh’s eyes widened.  “Really?”

“You know me, Josh,” Frost said.  “Would I lie about that?”

“Can we...can we see him?”

Frost frowned.  “Maybe I should go first.”

Josh opened his mouth to protest, but Frost cut him off.

“Hear me out.  He has no clue that you don’t actually hate him - as far as he knows, you’ve got no idea what happened,” she reasoned.  “And we’ve got no clue what his mental state is like. Maybe no big surprises until we know it’ll be okay?”

Josh looked as though he wanted to say something, but gladly he didn’t argue.

A nurse entered the waiting room and smiled at them.  “You’re here for Tyler Joseph, aren’t you?”

Frost nodded.

“He’s awake.  Would either of you like to say hello?”

Josh pushed Frost forward gently.  “She’s going first.”

The nurse led Frost down the hall and pushed open a door to one of the rooms.  “He’s in here.”

Tyler was sitting in his bed, staring blankly at the wall.  He looked up when the door opened. “Hi.”

A wave of relief crashed over Frost, as well as a wave of frustration.   _ “‘Hi?’ _  That’s all you’ve got to say?”

“Well, what do you want me to say?”

Frost laughed sarcastically, tears gathering in her eyes.  “I don’t know, maybe some sort of...of explanation? You could’ve talked to me.  You know that, right? You didn’t have to deal with whatever it was on your own.”

Tyler stared at his lap as he fiddled with one corner of his thin blanket.  “Can I explain now instead?”

Frost took a deep breath.   _ Yelling at him, getting angry, none of that is going to help, _ she told herself.  “Yeah. Okay.”

“It was just...I missed Josh.  And he was always my closest friend.  Like, yeah, I had Jenna for a little while, but she knew how upset I was and figured I’d be happier with Josh.  And then there was you, but no one could really replace him. No one was as good at being Josh as Josh was. Without him, I didn’t really have anyone who understood me that well, and I felt so - so alone.”

“Makes sense,” Frost said with a sigh.  “I’m sorry, Tyler.”

“Have you talked to him?”

“Yes, actually.”

The change was immediate.  Tyler sat up straighter and his eyes brightened.  “You-you have?”

Frost nodded.  “I texted him a couple of times after…”  She glanced away and bit her lip. “I went over to see what was wrong when you sent that message.  I found you, I called the ambulance, and I texted Josh. He didn’t answer, but I think I surprised him when I called him, so he picked up.  He was here in less than ten minutes.”

“That was yesterday, though, wasn’t it?”

“He’s back now.”

Tyler blinked a few times, nodding slowly as if trying to work something out inside his head.  “Can I...can I talk to him, maybe?”

“Yeah,” Frost said.  “Of course. He’s really worried about you.”

“Maybe he knows how I’ve felt these past two months, then.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Depending on what you think should happen next, we may be nearing the end of this story!  
> Also, I apologize for any inaccuracies in this chapter - I have no idea how hospitals work, but I try anyway. Feel free to correct me on any points I got wrong.  
> Galaxy |-/


	11. Chapter 11

Josh was tired of sitting still.  He decided to pace the waiting room instead, feeling nervous.  He might get to talk to Tyler again. But what if Tyler didn’t want to talk to him?  Josh hadn’t exactly been a good friend over the past few months, and he wouldn’t blame Tyler for shutting him out completely, much like Josh had done.

“Josh?”

Josh looked up hopefully, his gaze meeting Frost’s.

“He wants to talk to you.”

The nurse showed Josh down the hall to Tyler’s room, and Josh took a deep breath before stepping inside.

Tyler was waiting anxiously, judging by the way he was twisting the edge of his thin hospital blanket between his fingers.  When he saw Josh, his eyes conveyed a feeling somewhere between pleading, hopeful, and nervous.

Essentially everything Josh was feeling.

“I’m sorry,” Josh blurted out immediately.  “I’m so, so sorry. I didn’t mean to get so - so defensive, or whatever.  I was...I knew you didn’t feel the same way and I was trying to protect myself, and I know that hurt me more than if I’d just stuck around, and if that hurt you too somehow then I’m so sorry.”

“You have no idea how much I’ve wanted to talk to you,” Tyler murmured, tears in his eyes.  “But you weren’t answering my calls or my texts and I didn’t want to force you to talk to me or anything.  I just - yeah, it hurt, Josh.”

Josh’s heart fluttered strangely in his chest.  He hadn’t heard Tyler’s voice, even, in months, and even though it was broken and raw and so quiet yet full of emotion that the words were hard to make out, it was still his voice, and to Josh, that was all that mattered.

He took a few steps closer to stand next to Tyler.  This felt like too personal of a conversation to have across a hospital room.  “I just...everything that had happened between us, or not happened between us, it was kind of - um, overwhelming.”

“I know,” Tyler said, tears starting to fall.  “I know, and I’m sorry too.”

“I’ve really missed you,” Josh said softly.

And then, before he knew what was happening, one of Tyler’s hands found its way to Josh’s shoulder, the other on the back of his neck, and he pulled Josh closer, almost impossibly closer, and then - 

Tyler was kissing him.

For a moment, Josh was too surprised to do anything.  His brain was attacking him with a repeated chant of  _ what about Jenna what about Jenna what about Jenna?   _

But Tyler’s lips were warm against his, hesitant at first but growing more confident when Josh didn’t pull away, and even though Josh could taste the salt from his tears, he tasted sweet as well, because it was  _ Tyler.   _ Because this was all Josh had really wanted for years.

So Josh tentatively kissed him back, one hand coming up to grip Tyler’s bicep and the other resting at the nape of his neck.  Josh tilted his head to the side to deepen the kiss, their lips parting slightly as he did but reconnecting almost immediately, and Josh knew that Tyler had missed him just as much as Josh had missed Tyler.  It was awkward, with Josh standing and Tyler sitting in his hospital bed, but it was their own little bubble in space where everything else just faded away, and it was wonderful.

Josh didn’t want to push it, to make Tyler feel pressured to do anything he didn’t want to.  He wasn’t going to try and do anything more, but then Tyler’s lips parted just a bit and he sighed softly, his tongue brushing Josh’s bottom lip, and Josh could feel his self-control dwindling as he chased Tyler’s tongue with his own.  The contact and the surprised noise Tyler made sent shivers down Josh’s spine, and he moaned softly. But Tyler didn’t pull back, instead matching Josh in intensity despite his tears not long before.

Josh could feel his lungs aching from lack of air, so at last he pulled away, practically gasping for breath.  Tyler’s eyes were still closed, and he looked so peaceful that Josh almost leaned in to kiss him again once he’d caught his breath, but then he remembered something and practically jumped away from Tyler, shocked.  “Oh, God. Um. You’re  _ married.   _ I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to do - “

“Josh,” Tyler said, so softly and gently that Josh stopped talking immediately and looked at Tyler.

“Yeah?”

“Jenna and I got divorced.”

“Oh,” Josh said, feeling ridiculous.  “I’m sorry, Ty. Are you...are you okay?  With the divorce, I mean, because...”  He gestured around them to the hospital room.  The message was clear enough.

“I’m fine,” Tyler said.  He smiled after a moment.  “One second you’re kissing me and the next you’re asking me if I’m okay because I got divorced.  She was the one who suggested it, actually, because she could see how I...how I felt, even though I couldn’t see it.  She and I are still friends, though. Er, sort of.”

“That’s...good,” Josh said.  What now? They’d made out, they were both single, but they’d barely been friends recently, much less anything more.

“I...Josh, I think I’m in love with you,” Tyler admitted, running a hand through his hair.  “If that wasn’t clear. That’s what Frost wanted to tell you, when she called.”

Josh leaned over, kissing Tyler softly.  Tyler responded even more enthusiastically this time, and every slight movement felt new and familiar and strange and bizarre and perfect all at once.  Josh’s heart felt like it was fluttering in his chest once again.

“I think I’m in love with you, too,” Josh whispered when they finally parted, still close enough that their foreheads were pressed together.

Tyler smiled, but only for a moment before he pulled away.  “Josh, I’m not just going to suddenly be okay. That’s not how it’s going to work - you know that.  It’s not going to be some kind of, ‘they all lived happily ever after’ type thing. You know I’ve got a lot of issues, and - “

“Tyler, I know.  I was your friend for years, remember?” Josh reminded him.

“Yeah, but…”

“We were friends before.  I remember what it was like for you, and I remember how to help you.  I want to make sure you’re okay and I’m not just going to leave. You know that, right?  If I didn’t leave then, why would I leave now?”

“I kind of thought you hated me, these past two months,” Tyler said, his voice sounding small and nervous.

“I didn’t,” Josh promised.  “I don’t think I’ve ever hated you, and I don’t think I ever could.  I just thought you and Jenna were still...an item, and besides that, I thought you were straight.”

“I think this whole thing would’ve been easier if we’d actually bothered to sit down and talk about it,” Tyler said.

“Rather than misunderstanding one another and not talking for months?”  Josh smiled. “But misunderstanding people is one of the only things I’m actually good at!”

“I don’t know,” Tyler replied, eyes sparkling with amusement.  “I’d say you’re a pretty good kisser, too.”

“Did we just go from talking about our insecurities and stuff to flirting with each other in less than a minute?”

“I think so,” Tyler said with a laugh.

“So, um, I was wondering,” Josh began, “if maybe you’d want to go on a date with me?  Once you’re out of the hospital, obviously. And I know most people go on dates before they kiss and then confess their love, but I guess we aren’t exactly most people.”

“Yeah, I’d love to go on a date with you,” Tyler said, smiling warmly.

That smile, and particularly the way that he could hear it in Tyler’s voice, made Josh’s heart skip a beat.  He leaned in hesitantly, one hand raising almost automatically to cradle the side of Tyler’s face. “This okay?”

“Better than okay,” Tyler breathed, pulling Josh closer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, here's where I need your input because I have two different ideas.  
> Do you want me to continue this for a little while longer, or do you think the next chapter should be the last? I honestly don't know which one would be better, so I'd like to hear what you think.
> 
> *Loud, off-key singing* MY NAME'S BLURRYFACE AND I CARE WHAT YOU THINK
> 
> Also, feel free to yell at me in the comments for the terrible description of their kiss. I've never actually kissed someone before, or even had any sort of relationship with someone, so I don't know how accurate this is.  
> Anyway, hope you enjoyed!  
> Galaxy |-/


	12. Chapter 12

“Frost?”

“Um, Adrianna, hi,” Frost began nervously, running her fingers through her hair.  “I know we - we haven’t really been talking, but this is kind of important.”

“Okay,” Adrianna said, sounding a bit subdued.  “What is it?”

“God, alright, this is hard to say.  Everyone’s fine - they will be, at least, but you remember Tyler, right?”

“Of course I remember Tyler,” Adrianna scoffed.  “What about him?”

“Well, he kind of ended up in the hospital.”

“Oh, my God!” Adrianna gasped.  “O-okay, I’ll be right there. Um, text me the address or something?  This is terrible.”

“Yeah, okay, I’ll text you,” Frost promised, biting back a sigh.  She’d wanted to call or text Adrianna again ever since she’d left, but these weren’t exactly the ideal circumstances.

She imagined that might be how Tyler felt about Josh at the moment.

“I’ll explain everything when you get here,” Frost continued.  “Bye, Adri.”

Adrianna hung up without so much as a goodbye.

Frost quickly texted Adrianna the address and buried her head in her hands.  Yes, Tyler was okay, and judging by the fact that Josh had been gone for at least half an hour, at least him and Tyler were talking again.

But Adrianna…

Obviously, she had to know what was happening.  She’d be furious if she ever found out that Tyler had been hospitalized and no one had said anything to her.

But Frost didn’t want to see her.

They hadn’t said a word to each other since the break-up.  Frost still had the ring she'd been planning to propose with.

Frost was still in love.

Who else could she call?  Jenna and Tyler had stayed in touch, if only to engage in small talk every now and then.  She should probably know.

Frost didn’t quite know why she had Jenna’s number in her phone, but she called her anyway.

“Hello?”

“Jenna, it’s Frost.”

“Oh, yeah!”  Frost could hear the smile in Jenna’s bright voice as she spoke.  “Tyler’s friend, right?”

“That’s me,” Frost confirmed.  “About Tyler...he’s in the hospital.”

“...Oh.  Oh, my God,” Jenna gasped.  “Is he okay?”

“He’s stable,” Frost assured her.  “I’ve already talked to him, and Josh is talking to him now.”

“I’ll be there soon, I promise,” Jenna said.  “Bye, Frost.”

“I’m back!”

Frost glanced up, dropping her phone in her bag.  “Hey, Josh,” she said with an attempt at a smile. “How did it go?”

“We kissed,” Josh told her, gaze bright and sparkling.

“That’s fantastic!” Frost exclaimed.  “Seriously, Josh, I’m so happy for you.  Um, I called Adrianna and Jenna.”

“What?  But...you and Adrianna aren’t together anymore, and Jenna and Tyler got divorced.”

“Adrianna was still Tyler’s friend,” Frost reminded him.  “What happened between me and her doesn’t change that. Plus, Jenna’s known Tyler for years and they still talk sometimes.  She should know about this.”

“Okay.  I guess.”

“Anyway, you and Tyler, then?”

“Yeah, we’re going to go on a date at some point once he’s let out.”  Josh’s eyes were sparkling once again. “And we kissed.”

“And here I was glad that you two were actually in the same room as each other again.”  Frost grinned. “Really, this is great.”

“What’s great?”

Frost spun around.  “Adri!”

“Hi,” Adrianna greeted them.  “Why’s Tyler in the hospital?”

Frost bit her lip, hesitating.  “He, um...he tried to kill himself.”

“Oh, God,” Adrianna muttered, her eyes widening.  She collapsed in the closest empty chair. “Is he okay?”

“Obviously not,” Frost sighed.  “I can’t believe I didn’t even notice.”

“Hey, don’t beat yourself up over it,” Adrianna said softly, stepping closer and placing a comforting hand on Frost’s shoulder.

Frost pushed Adrianna’s hand away.  “No. We can’t do that anymore, remember?  You didn’t want that.”

Adrianna’s face fell.  “I’m sorry, Frost. I wanted us to still be friends.”

_ That’s a lie and you know it,  _ Frost thought bitterly.  Adrianna probably didn’t care about how Frost would react to the breakup.  “Whatever. We’re here for Tyler.”

“How is he now?” Adrianna asked, still seeming hesitant to drop the topic.

“Awake,” Frost answered curtly, pulling her phone out of her bag and suddenly seeming very interested in it.

“He seems better,” Josh continued when it became apparent that Frost wasn’t going to.  “He and I kind of kissed.”

Adrianna gasped.  “That’s wonderful!  I’m glad to know you guys are talking again.”

“Jenna’s going to be here soon, I think,” Josh said.  “Right, Frost?”

Frost barely glanced up.  “Yeah.”

“So I’m assuming she’ll want to talk to him when she gets here,” he finished.

“Could I talk to him now?” Adrianna asked hopefully.

“Yeah, probably.  His room is right down the hall.”

“Great, thanks,” Adrianna said, walking away without another word.

“You okay?” Josh asked.

Frost just rolled her eyes.  “Stupid question, Josh.”

“I’m guessing you two haven’t talked much since you broke up.”

“Nope.”  Frost shook her head.  “Just imagine it, though.  Imagine you’ve been dating the love of your life for years and you’ve finally worked up the courage to propose, but on the  _ day _ that you’re planning to do it, they just say, ‘sorry, this isn’t working out’ and then leave.”

“You were going to propose to her?” Josh asked quietly.

Frost nodded.

“I hope I’m not interrupting anything.”

Frost glanced to the door and saw Jenna lingering there awkwardly.  “Come on in,” she called. “Sorry, I’m just talking to Josh about this...this thing.”

“What thing?” Jenna asked, sounding genuinely curious as she took a step inside and sat down in the chair next to Frost.

“My girlfriend broke up with me a few weeks ago,” Frost explained, trying to sound nonchalant.  “But she was Tyler’s friend, so obviously she had to know what happened. She’s talking to him now.”

“I’m sorry,” Jenna said softly.  “That must’ve been so hard.”

“It was,” Frost agreed with a forced chuckle.  “I guess I just thought she actually cared.”

“I’m sure she did,” Jenna assured her.

“Wow, we must seem like a mess to you, huh?” Frost asked.  “Like, you leave for a few months and when you come back, Tyler’s in the hospital, Adri and I have broken up, and Josh is really the only one that seems even a little bit okay.”

“You’re all trying to figure stuff out,” Jenna said.  “I understand. Honestly, since Tyler left because he loved Josh, I’ve been having a bit of a sexuality crisis of my own, so I’m still in the middle of that.”

“I hope that all goes well,” Frost said.

"So why is Tyler here?"

Frost sighed.  She hated saying it, but it would've been more uncomfortable to dance around it instead.  "He tried to kill himself."

Jenna didn't exactly look surprised.  She just looked sad, worried.  "That's terrible."

Frost nodded in agreement, and they sat there silently, not speaking a word for a few minutes, until Jenna spoke up.

“By the way, Josh, speaking of Tyler, have you talked to him?”

“Yeah, actually,” Josh said, his eyes lighting up.  “Like, ten minutes ago, maybe. It went well.”

“Are you two dating?  I know that’s what Tyler was hoping for.”

“We’re going to go out once he’s feeling better.”

“Good,” Jenna said with a smile.

Frost could tell that Josh was a bit uncomfortable talking with Tyler’s ex-wife about his relationship with Tyler, so she decided to change the subject.  “Once Adrianna’s done talking to him, I’m assuming you’ll want to see Tyler?”

Jenna nodded.  “I just want to make sure he’s doing alright.”

“He’ll be okay,” Frost said, hoping she was right.  “He’s got all of us to support him. I know he can get through this.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while, hasn't it? I'm so sorry about that. Thanks for being patient.  
> Anyway, updates on everything I'm writing are probably going to be slow for a little while longer. These last few weeks of school are often the most stressful and chaotic, and in addition to that, my parents found out about some issues I've been having and sent me to a therapist. Generally, I'm completely emotionally drained, and at the moment writing sort of feels like dragging myself through hell and back with two broken legs and a migraine.  
> I'm doing my best, though, I promise. I love you all for being so patient with the slow updates, and thank you so much for all your support.  
> Galaxy |-/


	13. Chapter 13

“So Tyler’s okay.”

Frost barely glanced up at Adrianna when she re-entered the waiting room.  “Sort of. He’s still alive and he’s probably not going to die, but if he was feeling that terrible once, he might feel that way again.”

Adrianna’s gaze lingered on her for a few moments.  “Frost, are  _ you  _ okay?”

Frost just shrugged.

Adrianna sighed.  “I get it, you don’t want to talk to me.  I’ll just go, I guess.”

“I should probably go talk to Tyler,” Jenna said after a moment, quickly stepping out of the waiting room.

“What was that all about?” Josh asked once Adrianna and Jenna had left.

“I tried to kill myself a few years ago,” Frost muttered, not meeting his eyes.  “Adri and I dated from about tenth grade to a month ago, so we were already in kind of a serious relationship.  I guess she didn’t forget about it.”

“I can’t imagine why she would,” Josh pointed out.  “It’s a valid question, though - are you okay?”

“It’s been getting bad again recently,” Frost admitted.  “What with Adri leaving and Tyler being suicidal.”

“Are you going to be okay?”

“It’s always a gamble with me, Josh,” Frost sighed.  “I’m never one hundred percent.”

“Well, what percent are you now?”

“Somewhere between twenty and thirty.”

Josh visibly winced.  “Those are not great odds.”

Frost didn’t answer, her gaze fixed almost aggressively on the wall in front of her.

“Frost, we have to talk about this!  Listen to me,” Josh ordered. “Have you thought about hurting yourself recently?”

She still didn’t answer.

“Frost.”

“You want to know if I’ve thought about it?” She asked quietly.  “Yeah. I’ve thought about it. I haven’t actually  _ done  _ anything, but I’ve definitely thought about it.

“Thought about what?”

Frost looked up, almost guiltily, and the grim atmosphere that had settled over her and Josh during their conversation dissipated.  “Hey, Jenna. Um...it’s nothing.”

“Does this have something to do with what you said when you called me last month?” Jenna asked.

Frost’s brow furrowed.  “I called you last month?”

“I  _ think _ you were kind of drunk,” Jenna admitted.  “You might not remember. You just said something about Adrianna, and how things were getting bad again.  I wasn’t sure what you were talking about, but I told you everything was going to be okay, that it was getting late, and that you should go to sleep.  We haven’t really talked since then.”

“I don’t drink that often,” Frost muttered.  “Sorry. I was probably just being ridiculous.  I shouldn’t have bothered you.”

“No, it - “ Jenna paused, biting her lip.  “I could tell it was really hurting you. It wasn’t any trouble at all.  I was kind of worried, honestly.”

“Oh,” Frost said.  “Um, thank you.”

“What is it, Frost?” Jenna asked softly.  “What’s getting bad again?”

Frost sighed, feeling annoyed.  It was hard enough to tell Josh, but now Jenna?  “I was suicidal. It was a few years ago. I’ve been mostly okay, but with this thing with Tyler it’s a little more...stressful.”

“I’m so sorry,” Jenna murmured, placing a comforting hand on Frost’s shoulder.  “I don’t think it’s best for you to be here right now. It’s obviously bringing up some bad memories.”  She stood, pulling Frost up with her. “Come on, we’re going out to lunch.”

“Okay,” Frost said, following Jenna to the door before turning back to Josh.  “Keep me updated, okay?”

Josh nodded.  “I will.”

 

They ended up eating at a small restaraunt just down the street from the hospital.  Frost had just been picking at her salad, feeling numb, her notifications on her phone set to the loudest volume in case Josh texted her.

“Frost, you’ve got to eat something,” Jenna insisted.  They’d already paid for their respective meals and Frost had only had a few bites.

Frost stabbed a piece of tomato on her fork and ate it, glaring at Jenna as she did.  “Good enough?”

Jenna closed her eyes with a sigh, and Frost’s gaze softened.

“I’m sorry,” Frost said.  “I’m just - I know Tyler’s okay, and Josh and Tyler are definitely going to be happy together, and you seem like you’re doing great, and Adrianna seems perfectly fine as well, and then...there’s me.  I’m just a mess. I miss Adri, obviously, and I’m lonely and semi-suicidal. I’ve always been so...so closed-off, you know? She was the first person that I was really honest with about anything, and then she left.”

“You’re going to be okay,” Jenna promised.  “Adrianna probably seems irreplaceable now, but she’s one person out of the entire population.  You probably won’t find anyone exactly like her, but maybe you’ll find someone even better. And I know for a fact that Josh, Tyler, and I are always willing to help you.  Anytime you need anything at all. I mean, ideally if you call me you won’t be drunk and I’ll actually be able to understand what’s happening, but…” she trailed off as Frost laughed.

“Yeah, ideally,” Frost repeated.  “I can’t make any promises.”

Jenna smiled.  “No one’s asking you to.  On a more serious note, though, you can call me if you need something.”

“Thank you, Jenna.  That really means so much to me right now.”

“Anytime.  Now, I should probably be going home soon...are you going back to the hospital?”

“I think I will,” Frost said, “if only so I can talk to Josh.”

“Great, then let’s go.”

As they reached the door, a sudden thought struck Frost - that this outing was surprisingly similar to her first date with Adrianna.  “Jenna?”

“Yes?” Jenna asked, turning to face Frost.

“Is this...was this a - um, was this a date?” She blurted out before she could stop herself.

Jenna smiled - it was more of a half-smile, half-smirk, slightly mischievous.  “If you want it to be.”

Frost’s eyes widened.

“Bye, Frost.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, this took me forever to write.  
> I'm actually in the middle of moving across the ocean, so I don't have much time to write. Updates might slow down a little bit (even more than they already have). Sorry!  
> Galaxy |-/


	14. Chapter 14

“So apparently I just went on a date with Jenna,” Frost said to Josh as she stepped back into the waiting room.

Josh’s eyes widened.  “What? Really?”

“I mean, I guess?” Frost ventured.  “Like, we went out for lunch and it was weird - it was kind of like my first date with Adrianna, except it was with Jenna.  And at the end I asked her if it was a date and she said it was if I wanted it to be.”

“And did you want it to be?” Josh asked.

Frost bit her lip.  “I think I did. Yeah.  I like Jenna, she’s really nice.  I mean, I know she and Tyler got divorced only recently, but it was pretty amicable, so I think she’s okay.  I mean, I’d have to make sure. But...I don’t know. It’s stupid.”

“It’s not stupid, Frost,” Josh assured her.  “You need to get over Adrianna sometime, right?”

“Get over me?” Echoed a breaking voice from behind Frost.

Frost spun around.  “Adri? What are you doing here?”

“I forgot my purse,” she said, gesturing to the black bag on the chair next to Josh.

Josh glanced at it.  “Oh. Sorry, I didn’t notice.”

“So...what are you doing to, um -  _ get over me?” _ Adrianna asked, clearing her throat.

“Nothing,” Frost said quickly.  “Like, uh, just a - a date, it’s - it’s not important.”

Adrianna frowned.  “Yeah, that’s fine.  It’s not like we’re together anymore, obviously.”  She quickly darted out and grabbed her purse, dabbing at the tears gathering in her eyes.  “Yeah. I’ll just go.”

Once Adrianna had left, Frost turned to Josh.  “Is it just me, or was she crying?”

Josh sighed.  “Look, she broke up with you.  She has no reason to be upset. If she wants you back that badly, that’s her problem.”

Frost bit her lip and glanced at the door.  “I know, I know. I just miss her, that’s all.”

“But if you go back, she’s going to feel exactly the same way and you’re going to feel like you need to change yourself to keep her around,” Josh pointed out.  “It’s better this way.”

“Yeah,” Frost agreed.  “But I still love her.”

“That doesn’t mean you have to go back to her,” Josh reasoned.  “Why do you think I cut myself off from Tyler for so long?”

“What, because you - you loved him?”

“And because I thought he didn’t love me.”

“Okay, I guess that makes sense,” Frost said.  “Okay. Yeah. Thanks, Josh.”

Josh smiled.  “It’s no problem at all.”

 

Tyler had been released from the hospital the previous day, and there Josh was, hesitating on Tyler’s doorstep with a bouquet of flowers in his hands.

They’d decided they weren’t going to do anything too fancy - they were just going to Taco Bell, which wasn’t even a bit of a disappointment for either of them, because who doesn’t like Taco Bell?  It would be easier to talk in a more casual setting where they didn’t have to worry so much about what the people around them were thinking about them.

Of course, that was still a bit of a concern, but not quite as much.

They’d been friends for so long that they knew they’d be perfectly happy just to be around each other, especially after being apart for so long.  But what if Tyler didn’t really love him? Was he just being polite? Tyler was so sweet that if he’d seen how much he’d hurt Josh, maybe he would’ve just agreed to go on a date with him because he wouldn’t want to hurt Josh more.

Before he could overthink things any more and talk himself out of it, he quickly rang the doorbell.

Tyler answered with a bright smile that soothed Josh immediately, calming the raging storm in his mind.

“Hi, Jishua!” Tyler chirped, the smile never leaving his face.

“Hey, Ty,” Josh replied.  “Uh, I got you some flowers?  I didn’t know if you’d like them, but…”

“Are you kidding?  I love them,” Tyler said, accepting the bouquet and leaning forward to press a kiss to Josh’s cheek, a kiss that sent a shockwave of butterflies through his body.  “And I love you.”

“I love you, too,” Josh replied.

And there were those butterflies again, right on schedule.

Just from admitting that he was hopelessly in love.

“So, should we go?” Tyler asked.

“Uh, yeah,” Josh said quickly.  He ran to open the passenger door of his car for Tyler, who smiled again.

“Such a gentleman,” he teased.

Josh bowed jokingly, playing along, before closing the door and getting into the car himself.

“So,” Tyler began as Josh started driving, “still believe in aliens?”

Josh grinned.  “Of course. What about you?”

“Obviously,” Tyler scoffed.  “They’re definitely real. I mean, the universe is so big, it’d be more of a surprise if they  _ aren’t _ real.”

“I agree,” Josh said, nodding.  “Have you written any songs recently?”

“A few,” Tyler said.  “Uh, not many. Mostly stuff for the next album.  I’ve got a first draft of something for a movie soundtrack.”  He glanced at Josh almost shyly out of the corner of his eye. “I’d like to show you at some point, if that’s okay.  I’ve missed getting your opinion on stuff.”

“If you want to share it, I’d love to hear it,” Josh said.  “Come on, we’re here.”

They got out of the car, walked into Taco Bell, and ordered their food.  Josh insisted on paying, since he’d been the one that asked Tyler out in the first place.

They were never the type of people that made small talk.  They talked about new thoughts they’d had on the meaning of life, on purpose, of what happens to the ideas we have in the middle of the night that we’re aware of having, but can’t remember what they were.

After about half an hour, two teenage girls approached them.

“Um, you’re - you’re Tyler and Josh, right?” The first girl asked.  “From Twenty One Pilots?”

“Yeah, that’s us,” Tyler said, nodding.  He quickly pulled his hand from Josh’s - the message was clear.

_ I don’t want to come out yet. _

“Oh, my God,” the girl said, a huge smile spreading across her face.

“You guys are amazing,” the second girl gushed.  “We’ve been fans since self-titled. We actually met at one of the first Twenty One Pilots concerts.  Remember, hon?” She asked, turning her attention to the first girl.

“How could I forget?” The girl replied with a smile.

“But Josh - you actually inspired me to learn the drums!” The second girl exclaimed.  “I want to be in a band someday. I keep telling Kelly that she could totally sing, but she doesn’t believe me.”

The first girl - Kelly - smiled.  “You and I both know that I sound like actual death.”

“No, you don’t,” the second girl insisted.  “But anyway, since I’m never going to get through to her and we don’t want to waste much of your time, could you both just sign this?”  She held out a notebook and a pen.

Josh glanced at Tyler.  “I mean, I don’t see why not,” Josh said after a moment, taking the pen and quickly signing the notebook.  Tyler did the same.

“Thank you both so much!”

“It’s no problem,” Tyler assured them.

Once the girls had left, Tyler turned to Josh.  “Uh, I hope you don’t mind that I was kind of...you know.  Um, I don’t want people to really find out yet.”

“It’s fine, Tyler,” Josh promised.  “We don’t have to say anything until you’re ready.”

Tyler relaxed.  “Thanks.”

“Anytime, Ty.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took a lot longer than it should've.  
> Well, don't expect a new chapter anytime soon. Hopefully Ty and Jish's first date should make up for the mini-hiatuses.  
> Galaxy ||-//


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'M BACK BITCHES

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what the fuck was that hiatus lmao
> 
>  
> 
> This is shorter than usual but I wanted to put something out after almost EIGHT MONTHS WHAT THE FUCK
> 
> Anyway, enjoy!
> 
> Galaxy ||-//

Over the course of the next year, as Josh and Tyler went on their dates and did their best to hide their relationship from the public until they were ready, Frost only became more and more confused.

She and Jenna talked almost all the time - on the phone, in person, over text - and sure, they went on dates occasionally, but what did it all  _ mean? _

Adding onto that, every time she saw Adrianna, it just confused her further.  She seemed so upset, almost broken, and yet she never called, never sought Frost out, never so much as asked to spend time with her.

The most awkward moment, though, was when Frost and Jenna ran into Adrianna, six months after their first date, on their way to that same restaurant once again.

“Frost!  Hi!” Adrianna said, plastering a clearly fake smile on her face and tucking a lock of hair behind her ear.  “And, uh...Jenna. Hi.” Her gaze lingered for a few moments on their intertwined hands.

“Hey, Adrianna,” Frost said with a smile and a nod, more out of acknowledgement than any actual happiness from seeing her.

“Hey,” Jenna echoed, slightly more enthusiastic.  “How are you?”

“I’m...I’m alright,” Adrianna said hesitantly.  “What about you guys?”

Frost glanced at Jenna, her smile growing wider.  “I think...yeah, I’d say we’re doing great.”

Jenna nodded, returning Frost’s smile.  “So what have you been up to lately, Adrianna?”

Adrianna shrugged.  “Not, uh...not much.  I’ve been going out a little more since Frost and I broke up, trying to be a little more...well, a little more outgoing and actually make some friends.”

“Sounds fun,” Frost said with another nod.  “Well, we’re actually headed to lunch right now, so we should probably get going.”

“Right, of course,” Adrianna said hurriedly, nodding.  “Yeah. And, uh, Frost...I need to talk to you as soon as possible.  Call me when you have time.”

Frost raised her eyebrows, exchanging a slightly alarmed glance with Jenna.  “Um - okay, sure.”

Adrianna flashed them a tight-lipped smile.  “Great. Bye.”

And then she left.

Frost turned to Jenna, her eyebrows furrowed.  “That was really weird.”

Jenna nodded in agreement.  “She doesn’t seem to be quite as ‘alright’ as she says she is.  Are you going to call her?”

Frost thought for a moment before nodding.  “Yeah, I think I will. I mean...I’m not still in love with her or anything, but, well - we dated for  _ years. _  That’s not nothing.”

“Okay,” Jenna said with another nod.  “Well...we should get lunch, you’ve got therapy at two.”

 

“Hello?”

“Adrianna, hi,” Frost said, shifting her phone to her other ear.  “You wanted me to call you, right?”

“Yeah!” Adrianna said, her tone clipped like it always was when she was nervous.  “Um, listen...I think breaking up with you was a mistake.”

“...What?”

“Breaking up with you was a mistake,” Adrianna repeated.  “I’m still in love with you, and I want us to get back together.”

 

_ As they were about to part ways, Jenna pressed a soft kiss to Frost’s lips, smiling at her.  “Hey, six months is a while, isn’t it?” _

_ “Yeah, why?” _

_ “How long do you think it takes to fall in love with someone?” _

_ Frost’s eyes widened.  “Um...honestly? I don’t know.  But I do know that it can happen before you even realize it.  It happens like  _ that,” _ she said, emphasizing the word with a snap, “and when it does, there’s not really any way to stop it.” _

_ Jenna smiled again.  “I know, trust me. Frost, hon, I don’t know how long ago it happened, but somewhere along the way, I...I think I fell in love with you.” _

_ Frost pulled Jenna in for another gentle kiss.  “I love you, too.” _

 

“Adri, I - I don’t think we can do that.”

“Why not?” Adrianna asked, sounding almost desperate.  “We were so great together! I loved you so much, and I know you loved me.  And some part of me is saying that you still do, and I never should’ve left!”

Frost hesitated.  “This might be hard to hear, then...look, it hurt when you first left.  I’m not going to lie. But, I mean, I got over it, and - and you saw Jenna and I earlier.  We’ve been dating for half a year, did you know that?”

Adrianna remained silent.

“No, of course you didn’t, because you haven’t even  _ talked  _ to me in those six months.”

“I know, and I’m sorry…”

“If you really cared, you would’ve said something.”  Her voice softened slightly. “I’m sorry, too. We’re just...not meant to be like that.  I moved on, Adri. I started going to therapy, too. I’m getting better in so many ways, and I know you can do the same.  Just...not with me.”

“Okay,” Adrianna agreed quietly after a moment.  “You’re...you’re right, Frost. I’m sorry, it’s been a rough week.”

Frost smiled sympathetically.  “Want to talk about it?”

She could hear the matching smile in Adrianna’s voice as she replied.  “Yeah, actually. That’d be...that’d be really great.”

“Meet me at the park in ten?” Frost suggested.

“Only if you bring cookies,” Adrianna teased.

“As if you even have ask.”


End file.
